It’s totally normal for casual relationships to end if either of you doesn’t feel like you’ve got that spark. Keep in mind that some people just look for casual relationships. They may not be interested in a long-term relationship, so figure out your priorities. If you haven’t portrayed yourself as relationship material so far, you may need to redefine how they see you. For instance, if you’ve just been friends with benefits, try to be more romantic and flirty with them. This way they see you as boyfriend or girlfriend material. You might have started out wanting something casual, only for your feelings to grow stronger as time went by.
Not completely sure how you feel? Spend more time together. This gives you extra opportunities to figure out if the relationship is meaningful enough for you to keep going out. For instance, are you counting the hours till your dates or are you ambivalent about meeting up? Watch out for red flags like wanting to date until the “right” person comes along, any emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, thinking that you can change the other person, or that commitment will fix problems in the relationship.
If you feel very strongly about committing to an exclusive relationship, ask yourself if you’d want to end the relationship or keep things casual if your partner isn’t ready to go exclusive. Remind yourself that you shouldn’t have to change who you are to make the relationship work. You should be comfortable and supported for being yourself.
Your partner may actually be the one dropping hints that they’d like to make things exclusive.
You might surprise each other with little thoughtful gestures, too. Your boyfriend or girlfriend might say something like, “I haven’t seen you in two days. That’s two days too long!”
Are you two official on social media? This is definitely a sign that the relationship is going somewhere. For instance, you might get a text like, “I miss you. What are you up to right now?” or, “I just had a really weird class. Can’t wait to tell you about it. "
Don’t assume that just because you’re going out and you feel serious about them that they feel exclusive, too.
Again, you’ll know it’s time to talk because it just feels like the right time and you’ve been going out long enough to feel like you’re ready.
Another way to think of it—they’re proud to show you off! This is a good sign that they value you and the relationship that you two have.
It can really help to plan out what you want to say beforehand. This way, you won’t feel quite so nervous and you can stick to your most important points.
For instance, say, “I was thinking we should be exclusive. We get along so well and I see myself with you for a while. What do you think?” Remember—while any conversation is a risk, it’s healthier to be open and honest rather than hiding your feelings.
For instance, don’t spend 10 minutes telling them how you feel like everyone’s nagging you about your relationship status, asking them when are you going to make it official, or how you’re starting to resent them. Say something like, “I think we make a good couple and I want to know what you think about us becoming exclusive,” or “I really can’t imagine going out with anyone else—I’m really happy with our relationship. Do you think it’s time to make it official?”
For instance, you could say, “I just wanted to go back to that conversation we had last week about us going exclusive. Had you had a chance to think?” This is also a good chance for you to think about how the conversation went. Maybe you had expected them to eagerly agree to an exclusive relationship only to find that they clammed up. Keep in mind that changing the nature of your relationship is essentially renegotiating the relationship. Although it may not be what you were hoping for, you should be prepared to end it if you don’t feel like you two have the same outlook or goals for the relationship.
If you’re worried that you scared them off by bringing up the relationship too soon, it’s completely fine to say, “I think I may have brought this up too soon. Can we just revisit this down the road and keep things casual for now?” If you’re unhappy with their reaction, it’s okay to be honest with them. You could say, “Wow, I really didn’t think you’d respond like that, but I’m glad to know that you aren’t looking for something serious. I’m not sure if I’d like to keep things casual. "
For instance, make time for one another even when you’re busy and keep the lines of communication open. Make it easy to talk about issues that pop up in the relationship.
